I dropped Stella off at a birthday party yesterday. Her friend was turning 5. Stella is going to be turning 5. Yikes. This age for some reason seems to be the turning point. 5 years old. School aged. No longer a baby. I guess I was feeling a little blue and I started thinking about the day she was born....
She was my third born. Caleb and Miles, both arrived minus the use of pain-killers. Miles had come fast though. Too fast. Like nearly in the car, nurses scrambling to get my pants off, fast.
Stella, we decided should be induced. Safely. In a hospital. No cars.
I decided that since I was getting induced I would try out the epidural. See what everyone has been raving about all this time.
Even though this was to be my third birth, I was still nervous. (Do you ever stop getting nervous for this?) The nurse came and gave me a pre-epidural shot of Nubian. I felt like she gave my a shot, or five, of Tequila. 'Can I get a lime and some salt with that?' Seriously, I felt drunk. Really drunk.
When the anesthesiologist came in, I did my best to sober up and listen to his instructions. His needle was big. I felt it best to try and concentrate. He gave me a list of things I should tell him if I felt. If I feel pain down one side or the other, etc, etc.... I did my best to hear and retain his very important, don't want my spine severed directions.
He started his deal with me hunched over into a ball. The idea of hunching into a ball when you are so pregnant is laughable. But, hunched I was. When alas, my butt started to get warm. Really warm. I did a mental replay of the 'please tell me if' directions and could not recall if warming butt was on the list. So I did what any drunken, pregnant, hunched-over, nervous-nelly would do. I asked.
"Umm, I don't remember. Should I tell you if my butt is getting warm? My butt is really warm. Do you need to know if that happens, because I couldn't remember?"
"No" he said, "I don't need to know about warm butts."
That is when the helpful nurse with the sweet drugs piped in, "Oh. Honey you're peeing on yourself."
Lovely.
It's Finally Fall, Y'All
4 weeks ago
ROTFL! That is completely awesome!!! With my first child, they put the epidural in incorrectly. Which resulted in a partially numb right side only. Therefore they gave me IV drugs. Morphine, like a whole lot of it. Then lidocaine to speed up the morphine. It was such a non scary experience, that with my daughter I was cool, calm and collected. Right up until I was 5 hours into heavy labor and they told me that I could never have another epidural & that they no longer administer morphine in L & D.
ReplyDeleteThe joke was on me.
That is hilarious! It's such a dignified experience, isn't it?
ReplyDeleteTeehee!
ReplyDelete