Okay, you know how the Super Nanny is always coming up with all these great ideas to help families just like mine?
Well, this past summer I pulled out my own Super Nanny skillz and came up with with the idea of the 'star chart'. It is probably a bogus rip-off of some idea I saw, but I am totally claiming it as my own. I need to be recognized as brilliant every once in a blue moon. So, if you have already seen this, throw me a bone and play along like it was all my idea!
We recently reinstated the 'star chart' and I had forgotten how well it works, so I felt I must share.
We have tried all kinds of systems around this house. Mostly, they revolve around what you are not supposed to do, and you get punished accordingly. I found myself doing a lot of threatening with these programs and very little action. We tried the 'three strikes and you are out'. My kids would all be 'out' by like 8a.m.
This would result in a bunch of even whinier kids and I would be all, "Okay, today only, you get four strikes," and so on.
So, the star chart is all about catching the kids doing good things. Which can be at times really, really hard. Really. Hard.
It forces me to see that my children do have some good in them. It can be as simple as a kind word or someone sharing without me having to give a speech or dirty look. They get a star.
I ask, "Hey, will go and check the mail," child does it without whining or claiming they are too busy. They get a star.
There are catches. They can not ask for a star. They can not negotiate a star.(I will stop kicking and screaming if I get a star). They do not get a star for everything they do, or every kind word. Good behavior is always expected whether they get a star or not. Sometimes a star is just a bonus.
Once they get 10 stars they get to choose from the treasure chest. (box of cheap crafts and candy).
It works. They love it. They do things just to see if it will result in a star. I find myself complimenting them more often than I threaten them. Trips to the store are quiet and behaved. It only costs me a star.
It's Finally Fall, Y'All
2 weeks ago
OMG!!! Will try today. If it works you will be my lifelong hero. Even if it just works for a few days of peace and contentment you will be my hero! I was at the point where I was going to start advertising for gypsies that would be willing to take my kids on the cheap...will try this first. Many thanks:)
ReplyDeleteit's hard to change from the "do this or else" mode to the "hey, you did a great job" mode. congrats on finding the postive way to get things accomplished. =D
ReplyDeleteDoes this work for and does your child with autism understand this system? As you know, my son has autism and I feel like we have tried everything. He is only 3.5 years old so I don't know if it's partially because of his age in addition to his autism, but I don't think this would have any effect on him. This system relies on the child placing a value on the stars and I don't think my son really values anything except for a particular truck that he plays with all the time. If you see this and don't feel like replying to my blog or on here, feel free to go the my profile and email me at my email addy. Thank you!
ReplyDeleteAutismomma, if you happen to see this, I want to share that it definitely wouldn't have worked for my (supposedly typically developmentally) boys at 3.5. They couldn't control themselves enough, and couldn't appreciate the value of a future reward.
ReplyDeleteThat being said, we have a magnet chart that's a little like this, and the kids are ape shit for magnets. They race to do a chore or task if it gets them a magnet. I am going to try to rework the magnet chart to make it more like your star system, and maybe it will make my home a little slice of heaven too!!! KIM YOU ARE BRILLIANT!