Happy Autism Awareness Month: part deux

Holy hell. Miles got the memo about it being autism awareness month and he is doing his part to raise awareness.
It has been a flappy, squirmy, whiny, OCD, filled month. And those are just my symptoms.
We need to make some changes and get him back on track. We do a lot of supplementing with him and lately have let that slide. It is starting to take a toll on his behavior. I do like to take him off all of his supplements occasionally and slowly reintroduce each thing. It helps to determine what is continuing to benefit him and what he could maybe do without. It is time to begin the reintroductions.
We also changed our funding from Family Directed Resources to a level one Waiver and in doing so had to change out all of our therapists. We have yet to find replacement therapists.
We were on a wait-list for almost three years for the waiver, which is not bad, considering neighboring counties have wait-lists that run for over 10 years. Unbelievable.
Now that we have the waiver, we are on wait-lists for people who except the waiver. I am still unsure if the benefits of the waiver out weigh what we were receiving through the FDR. I am waiting it out. Don't want to make any quick decisions and end up back on the bottom of that wait-list.
We have a new therapist/intervention specialist coming over tonight. She will work with Miles throughout the summer.
I am crossing my fingers that all goes well. I think it will. We know her fairly well and she is a trooper. We need a trooper.
I have seen Miles drop speech language pathologists like a hot potato. He is a rascal and can put even the best through their paces.
I guess that is one of the things that I love so much about him. He keeps us on our toes.

Shake it off

I am not going to say that I hit rock bottom on Thursday. That would be overly dramatic.
I maybe just skimmed the bottom. Scrapped my knees.
I had the adult version of a meltdown. There were some tears and wallowing and a great big pity party thrown by me in my honor.
I am hoping it cleared my system. I am regrouping. Shaking it off.
I am not sure what brought it on, but I do know my hubby was on the receiving end of some of it and I informed him that lately it feels more like I have a roommate than a husband. Sometimes this is true. It is not his fault, but that doesn't make it fun.
Every now and then I get swallowed up by the whole 'stay-at-home-mom' thing. I love being here. I think it is where I am supposed to be.
I still miss leaving the house on occasion though. Without kids. Heading to functions that do not involve kids.
Yes, I am grateful that I get to stay home. Yes, I love my kids. Yes, I appreciate all that my husband does. But, oh my sweet Lord I swear my brain is melting into mush on some days.
I have resurfaced. Back from my scrap with the bottom.
There is light at the end of the tunnel.

Bad dog

I was gone for approximately 25 minutes yesterday morning. During that time the dog ate 5 large granny smith apples. Really? Who eats that many apples in one sitting? He is a glutenous beast.
I called my sister who happens to be my 'go-to girl' for all things animal related. She told me that apple seeds are toxic to dogs. Super. She said he wouldn't die, but would probably throw up. Again. Super.
I spent the better part of the day following him through the house. He never did throw up, but he did crap applesauce. Outside. Thank you, Lord for that one.
I consulted my handy-dandy dog training manual. The book informed me that my dog was not a bad dog. I am a bad dog owner. I should offer him a safe place to be when I am gone. What do they know?
We used to keep him safe behind baby gates. He got too big and just jumped over them. We are going to have to break down and buy a kennel. Can I hear a cha-ching. Kennels are not cheap. I know, I know, we bought the dog and all the responsiblity that goes with it.
On the bright side, I can always double it's use by putting the kids in the kennel when the dog is not using it. They deserve a safe place too.

A good Question

One of the questions I get most often in regards to Miles is how I think he 'got' his autism.
Was he born with it?
Do you think his vaccinations caused it?
It is the wheat and dairy?
The truth is I am not 100% certain. I of course have my theories. They are not always the most popular theories, but I say until you can show me different, this is what I am going with.
Discussing the causes of autism can become as heated a discussion as pro-life vs. pro-choice. People have their ideas and there is no changing them. No middle ground. Maybe I can see it your way since you have experienced it first hand, not so much.
The fact is my pregnancy with Miles was very healthy and he was born without much fuss and zero pain medication.
He was a happy thriving baby boy hitting all of his milestones. He sat-up, crawled, walked, babbled and would look me in the eyes.
Until he stopped. He lost his babbling and his words. He became cranky and intolerant of too much contact. He did not loose any motor skills, but sought constant sensory input. He head-butted anything and everyone.
All of this happened shortly after his MMR vaccination. I believe it was the tipping point. His body finally reacted and could not take in anymore toxins.
While I was pregnant with Miles I had the much recommended flu-shot. I also had my amalgam fillings changed out for the white composit ones.
It is my belief that these were his first exposures to the heavy metals that his body could not handle.
I know what you are thinking. My kids were vaccinated and they are fine.
Of course not every chain-smoker gets lung cancer. Not every obese person gets diabetes. Every ones bodies deal with toxins differently.
I don't think Miles' body deals well with toxins. I think he doesn't 'kick them out' of his system like you or I would. His body stores them. Unable to get rid of them, they start to create road blocks. They create permanent damage.
I am not a doctor. I am not a nurse. I have done enough reading and research and seeking of answers that I feel confident in my theory.
We did finally find a pediatrician that allows me to have my theory. She agrees to occasionally disagree with me without treating me like I am crazy. She has not insisted I vaccinate my son any further. She did not kick me out of the practice for my refusal.
I promise to revisit the idea of possibly vaccinating in a few years. I run the supplements that we give Miles by her. I listen to and respect her opinion. She respects mine.
It is the best case scenario for us right now. No one knows for sure what causes autism. It is unbelievably frustrating. Not knowing for sure.
We have been treating Miles based on the toxin/heavy metal overload theory. We are careful, cautious and respectful of him and his body. He also gets a lot of traditional therapy. He is responding. Slowly. We are happy with that.

Paying down the Debt

I bought a purse this weekend and you would have thought I was trying to decide on a new home. I had to make two trips to the store before I actually talked myself into the purchase.
It is hard for me to go out and spend money on something that is not a need, but more of a want.
Granted the cat made a scratching post out of my last purse, and we were not talking a Coach purse, but an on sale off-brand purse. Still it was hard.
We have been trying to pay off some fairly steep debts for the past few years.
The fact is that we have this heinous debt because we had all kinds of wants that we were too impatient to wait for and now all we have to show for that is debt.
After three kids, lots of wanting, and the decision to be a stay at home mom family we were ass neck deep in debt. Staring bankruptcy in the face.
Then my husband discovered Dave Ramsey. We started our 'envelope' system and we don't buy anything unless we can pay cash for it. In the beginning it really sucked. I swear I had Target withdrawls.
The first Christmas was the worst. I cried on Christmas Eve as I looked at what seemed to be a meager amount of gifts. I actually filled my kids stockings with fruit. I thought they would wake up and wonder what they had done to tick off Santa.
They of course didn't. They were just as happy with their much parred down Christmas as they had been with the over indulgent Christmases of the past. Did not even seem to mind the fruit filled stockings.
It is still hard at times. We are closer, but still a few years away from being debt free. It is nice knowing where our money goes. Even knowing that it is going to a credit card company is not so bad when you know you are that much closer to freedom.
When I bought the purse, a very helpful cashier told me that if I opened a store credit card I could save 15%. I told her and would pass and then handed her my 15% off coupon I had received in the mail and paid for the purse in cash.

Happy Autism Awareness Month

Here it is already April 3RD and I haven't even wished you a happy Autism Awareness month. Shame on me.
We have so much to be thankful for. Our beautiful boy has come so far in the last several years. He has a long road ahead of him, but he has what it takes to rise to the challenge of whatever autism brings to the table. Game on.
He teaches me new things everyday. He has brought a layer to my life that would have gone forever unknown had it not been for this kid. He makes me a better person.
He is funny and loving and consistently wins the hearts of anybody lucky enough to know him.
In an ideal world there would be no Autism Awareness month, because there would be no Autism. This world does not work that way.
I can deal with autism because of him. He makes the worst days worth it. If he can do it so can I. It is with his small boy hand that he reaches out, touches my heart and says, "Come on Mom, we can beat this thing together."

Note to my Children

Dear Children,
Just so you know, I was not always this crazy. I was, once upon a time, in a galaxy far, far away, a lovely woman with a college education and a job outside of this house. I had good okay hair and a waist.
I was also able to shower without anyone busting into the bathroom to announce that someone found a piece of cat poop and ran around the house with it before they threw it in the storage closet in the basement. Why. Why would anyone touch cat poop? Can this wait until I have a least gotten the shampoo rinsed from my hair?
I used to be able to form full, coherent sentences. I did not sputter, or stutter. I did not mix-up words.
No one ever made me so out of my mind crazy that I could not speak. No one ever stared at me blankly like I was speaking a foreign language when I explain for the umpteenth time that it is not okay to sit on your sister's head. Even if it is the only way to get her to stop talking. Not breathing and not talking are not the same. Do not kill your sister. It is not okay.
There was a time when I enjoyed reading and exercising and long talks with your father.
Of course, I was getting more than five hours of uninterrupted sleep back then.
Not one person would come into my room during the night to announce their bodily functions. I did not share my bed with multiple short people. I did not (well maybe once or twice) wake up and wonder where the heck am I because someone had taken over my side of the bed and I was forced to another bed. I did not have to wonder what was making my leg feel suddenly warm. It was never some other persons urine. Never.
When you wonder what happened to your Mom, take a long look in the mirror and ask yourself if it was all worth it. And you can bet your ass I am coming to live with you when I am old and loud and can no longer control MY bladder. Oh, and scoot over because I will be getting in bed with you.
All My Love,
Your Crazy Mom